after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
