so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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