I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
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