I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Screwed.edu
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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