YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
