Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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