420 ftw
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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