Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The uberlube is also flammable
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
