he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
