I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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