I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just gargled with NyQuil
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
