When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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