if you like me you must not know who I am
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
