Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
