Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
