he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
