Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
