All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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