Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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