where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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