I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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