Got a toothbrush?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
