We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
