I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
