sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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