i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
