please come you make the beer taste better
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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