He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
