Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
