yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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