Do you still have your period?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
