yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
