i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
