Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
