it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
