Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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