Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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