Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
