How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
