Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
