How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
