Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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