walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
