Ambien. No doubt about it.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
