i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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