yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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