One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
