You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
