Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
