I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
